Why Do So Many People Stay In Toxic Relationships?
Toxic people are the most poisonous for a person’s life. Think about your best friend. Remember that time she was with that boyfriend who was complete trash. Then you know what it is like to watch someone who is so important to you, waste their time on someone who is not worth their time. It is very frustrating, for both you and the person in the relationship. So then why do people stay in toxic relationships?
With that being said, it turns out it may not be a person’s conscious choice, however, but the toxic person influencing them. There may actually be an explanation as to why people find it so hard to leave a toxic relationship. The way that our society is being shaped, it makes it hard to turn our backs on someone who is vulnerable and toxic, causing us to have unhealthy relationships in life.
In a research study in San Francisco, 1,150 adults agreed to let researchers monitor their interactions with people on social media. This included 11,000 people! Their circle on their social media ranged from family to acquaintances.
The people participating in the study were asked to describe the relationship with every person in their circle. What researchers were focusing on is the people who were labeled “difficult” or “demanding” and why the people remained in their lives if they are so toxic. Visit now Relationship Catalog
Among the participants, the reports given were often very similar. They felt social pressure to keep the toxic people in their lives. They felt that if they tried to cut the toxic person out, there would be bigger issues that they would have to deal with, making it difficult to escape.
Most of the problems came from people who are in the middle of the participant’s lives. One prime example is the toxic co-workers. The participants in the survey felt they could not “cut out” the toxic co-workers because they would still have to face them every day at work. They felt that this would cause a hostile work environment and make things uncomfortable. Therefore, they kept the toxic co-workers as their friends, even though they are not friends.
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The next hardest category that was popular amongst the participants was toxic family members. Since they have the same blood running through their veins, they felt that if they cut out one toxic family member, that it would then cause problems with other family members, who didn’t agree. This would cause the chances of confrontation to be extremely high. Therefore, they keep the toxic family members around.
The most common family member that appeared to be toxic was the brothers who are between 21 and 30 years old. These brothers came across as difficult. With that being said, they also have fewer qualities that would make them easier to deal with.
Unfortunately, mothers were also described as being difficult to deal with. However, mothers have a lot of positive qualities that make it easier to keep them around, even if they can be a pain in the butt. The age range for difficult mothers was between 50 and 70.
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With that being said, the participates decided it would be easier to keep the toxic family members around because it would be easier to be quiet than to cut ties with them.
On the other hand, spouses were low on the list, and very rarely were they described as toxic or difficult, even though this is the hardest relationship to deal with. Nowadays, it is said to be easier to deal with toxic relationships because people are not as scared to walk away from an unhappy relationship. Divorce does not frown upon nearly as much as it has been in the past.
It seems that friends are the easiest toxic relationship to escape. If you cut one person out, it doesn’t really affect any other relationships that you may have. Only a small percent of the participants said they had toxic friendships.
The biggest problem people face with leaving a toxic relationship is the setbacks that may come along. There is a social aspect that can be affected. Likewise, there may also be a financial setback as well, depending on who the toxic person is. It is not the most ideal situation, but it does make sense.
There could always be more complex factors that attribute to the reason people do not leave toxic relationships. Women were more likely to be deemed as difficult and toxic than their male counterparts. Unconsciously speaking, a person may have a bias based on someone’s gender. Females are often threatened by other females.
Women have a stronger role when it comes to being in people’s lives. Females are the mom, the sister, the friend, and many other things, that cause them to be a strong presence in other lives. Since they are considered the caregivers, men find it easier to label them as difficult because they feel as if the women helping can be overbearing. Culture, in general, can be very sexist towards different genders.
In conclusion, the participants shed a lot of light on toxic relationships. Now we can better understand what causes someone to stay in a toxic relationship. Unfortunately, you may have to keep the toxic co-workers around until you are in a different job, or they are in a different job.
What The Sentence “I Love You” Actually Means To A Narcissist
Love is something that mostly makes a person happy and sometimes sad as the case may be. It’s just a sentence made up of 3 words that have the ability to bring change to the hearer. Love is something that can change not just a person but two people’s lives irrevocably.
What is in these 3 words that give it so much power? It simple. Emotion. The emotion, and sincerity behind those words make all the difference. Although most people if not everyone knows the meaning behind these words, there are still some people in the world who not only don’t understand the words, they also do not and cannot understand the feelings behind it.
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There are different people in the world, the good, the bad, and the narcissists. You would understand a lot better if you have ever come in contact with a narcissistic person before. They have a special brand of toxic to their actions and worst of all is that most of their victim doesn’t even know this. Either way, the letter written below is one that everyone needs to read to understand better what the narcissist does because who is a better choice to tell us about narcissism if not a narcissistic person. The letter below is written by a narcissistic person, and it does make a few things clear to us when it comes to their actions and how they treat the ones they claim to love.
Read on below to see what love means from a narcissistic point of view.
Dear insignificant other,
This letter is going to go against the grain when it comes to me. I’ll be telling you the honest truth about love and what it means to me. The things written down in this letter are things that I would be hard-pressed to tell you about in person for many reasons but most importantly because it would mean that I accept that you are the better person between us. Telling you that I love you has never been a battle for me and probably because it is a lie. When I tell you that I love you, inside of me, I really am referring to something else entirely. What I love isn’t you, rather what I love is the way you treat me. Like a god, always doing anything to make sure that I am happy and at the same time, the center of your life and what is better than that is that I don’t even have to return the gesture, anyhow I treat you is okay by you.
I don’t love you; I rather love that you let me in control of our relationship and your life. The power is what I love, and in addition to the fact that you let me have the ultimate power over you and our relationship, I also get to enjoy your love which manifests itself in so many ways including being caring and pandering to my needs.
What this means is that I end up feeling so big, larger than life, and totally in control and more than that, bigger and more powerful than you. This means that I can use you to the fullest, do anything that I want to you and just wring you dry. I end up making you feel as if you have to do all of these things for me and at the same time reduce your self-confidence and self-worth.
Even though you end up feeling so weak and so hurt after doing the things that I insist you do, you still do them, and it makes me happy to see you weak, hurt, and your self-confidence hit rock bottom. You are a human being after all; although I try my best to make you nothing but my slave, occasionally you do get a bit of a wake-up call and begin to question me and my actions. That’s okay, I have already planned for that. It is in cases like this that I remind you of how childish and foolish you are and do my best to make sure that no one believes you and that you go back to being pliable and vulnerable.
One of my favorite ways of doing this is by reminding you of how overdramatic you are in a bid to quash your rebellion. Sure enough, it works like magic. You go right back to where I want you to be, doing the things I want you to do, and being the person that I want you to be. In addition to that, you also begin to expect lesser and lesser from me, and things couldn’t have worked out better because that is exactly what I want.
It never fails to make me happy to know that I have somehow made you believe that my happiness and stress-free life totally depends on you. You even go as far as denying yourself some things and putting your own emotions and needs on the back burner just so that you can satisfy me. Poor you, I guess I should let you know right now that nothing you do, would ever satisfy me. Even if you get me the moon today, I’ll make you feel bad that it wasn’t the sun.
I don’t love you; I rather love the way it feels when we are together. Nothing fuzzy like at all, I just enjoy feeling in control of your entire life. You are my possession, and I can treat you any way that I want to. You make me feel better, and most times, I enjoy putting you down to make myself seem even bigger and better in front of my friends. I enjoy displaying how much I control you to others and then have them envy that fact.
I also like to make you prove your love to me by asking you to do several degrading things, and you do them. I am better than almost everyone, and I love to look down on them, you included, and let them know that even chance I get. I am unworthy, and I know that but then you always make me believe the opposite of that and that right there is what I love. Keeping you clingy and needy when it comes to me makes me feel so important so thank you, I guess.
You are nothing to me but another piece of property that I acquired and can treat any way I want to. Anything includes making you feel worthless and always make you feel less.
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I can make you feel off-balance easily. All I have to do is just to make you hate yourself and make you feel like you are demanding too much when in actuality, you are actually asking for what is your due. It’s easy for me to make you hate what you see when you look into the mirror for daring to complain about the way I treat you. How dare you? I’ll hurt you in ways that you would find it hard to forget or even get over. So just take whatever crumbs I drop for you because that’s all that you deserve, crumbs.
That’s what I love to do, and I feel so much pleasure. I don’t even care about your well being or your feelings and whenever you complain to me; I don’t even listen to you because I don’t care and more than that you are worthless and so don’t derive anyone to care for you. If you ever try to demand that I take care of you, then I would make sure that I hurt you so much until you finally accept that you don’t deserve any sort of care, not even from your family. The only reason you are in my life is that I need you there to take care of me. You’re just here to do the things I want you to do. You’re just another slave to me, and you don’t get to talk or complain, you just get to serve.
I think that one of the things I love the most about you is how I can easily manipulate your feelings. I take it as a game, something to amuse myself with when I’m bored. It just takes me paying attention to someone else for you to feel less than. You’re so easy though. I consciously do it, you know just to see that insecurity crawl into your eyes. It’s fun. It also does boost my ego and lets me know that my control over you is ultimate. I can do anything to you, anything at all. Giving other people what I know you crave and I never give to you always make you feel so bad, and I love seeing that.
You’re so attached to me that all it takes to get you to comply with my needs is just to say that I’m going to leave you. You just fall in line quicker than I can blink twice. It’s comical. You’re so needy, and that is what I use to manipulate you to no end, getting you to do the things that I want. Of course, I also let you believe that I would change my attitude even though I have no intention of doing that at all.
I’m not a happy person, I hate myself, and that’s why I treat you that way because treating you badly makes me feel better about myself. Making you feel less than I bind you to me in such a way that you would never think of walking away from me or our relationship no matter what I do to you. I could use you to vent my frustrations, and I could emotionally hurt you but inside me, deep inside, I’m just afraid to lose you. I’m too scared to let you walk away from our relationship and me but you know me too well, and you know that I’ll never tell you that. That would make me vulnerable, and I can’t be the vulnerable one in this relationship.
Control is what I am most obsessed with, and you give that to me. You don’t just give me control over our relationship, but over your entire life and I’m addicted to that feeling. I want to control what you say, what you eat, what you drink, what you see, who you talk to, what you think, and even what you feel. I want absolute and total control over your life. I want to be the only god you know and worship. I want you to feel as if your fate is in my hands and it very well is. I just don’t want to be in control; I want you to know that I am in control because that is where the pleasure of controlling you comes from, your helplessness in the face of my control. In all essence, I want to own you and make you my slave to do all my bidding and not complain no matter how I treat you because I own you. I want you to see me as God’s gift to your life, something you don’t deserve but you have. I crave so much control that I want to be the only sun you see and revolve around. I want you to be able to control you as a child controls his toy car. I want you to feel as if your entire existence and happiness depended on me. This would ensure that you treat me like the god I am.
It is an obligation for you to treat me like a god. All it takes is to make you feel like you are less than one and I’m good at that. I’ll make you feel terrible with the words I use on you. I’ll keep on talking down on you without ceasing. I’ll use my special technique, Gaslighting, to make you feel as if you are going mad and to make you doubt yourself. I’ll keep you off balance emotionally, and you would be too busy trying to understand yourself to ever complain about anything I do to you. You won’t even complain because I’ll have you know that you don’t deserve such a paragon of perfection like me and since I’m doing you a favor by being with you, you need to take whatever I do to you as your due.
I don’t love you at all; I rather love the way you make me feel and the way that you love me. The way that you look up to me in awe and worship me with your eyes. The way that your eyes shine when you look at me. The way you admire me and hold me in high esteem, the way you consider my word as law, the way you always need my stamp of approval on everything in your life, and you need to be loved and cared for by me. That’s what I love.
I can’t let you off the hook because if I do so, you’ll come to your senses and leave me and I can’t let that happen to me. I can’t let you go or treat you in the way you deserve for fear of losing you so I treat you horribly and in the end you are always there for me, pandering to my needs and ego. If it seems as if better things are coming your way, I’ll destroy them and leave you no choice but to be with me.
Through gaslighting, I can totally discredit you even before those that love you the most including your family and closest friends. I can make them change the way they see you. In the twinkle of an eye, and with a few well-placed words, you become the abusive one in the relationship or the one who is off her rocker. No one is going to believe you; you’ll be the one who doesn’t care about me and who is always demanding too much no matter how hard I try to satisfy you.
I’ll never be ready or willing to take care of you, and even if you ask for it, I won’t even bother myself. All I want you to focus on is my problems and needs. Your needs don’t matter at all compared to mine, and you need to learn that quickly. What you want out of life, your goals, and your dreams don’t stand a chance against my littlest whim. The only reason that you are in my life is for you to serve me and that’s all you should do, serve me.
You have nowhere to run and if you think I’m joking, look around. I have completely made you an island by separating you from your friends and family. I have made you see them as the enemy, and that means that I can do anything to you because there’s nowhere else to go and no one else to talk to.
Once in a while, I do a few nice things for you to keep you fully bound to me but of course, you have to be ecstatic about it.
I’m very intelligent, and I know the fine art of manipulation, and that’s why I rule you. I just know how to make you treat me like a god.
So, the next time I tell that I love you, you would know what I truly love.
Your narcissistic partner.
After reading this letter, I hope that now you can understand some of the actions of the narcissistic people in your life. I hope that you find the strength to go for better because you’ll realize that you deserve the best.